Monthly Archives: November 2009

29 November

Beliefs or frames of reference

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If I have put my child to sleep and am relaxing in front of the TV with a glass of well deserved Laphroig in my hand, and he comes crawling out, I get pissed off. My belief is that I need to relax. The child’s belief is that he does not want to sleep. On the other hand, when my wife points out that this is the first time he has walked. She brings in another frame of reference. From that perspective, I am happy that my child came out of the bedroom. The same event, two different beliefs / frames of reference, two different emotions.

Our parents beliefs (read rules to live by) were our own, until we started creating our own beliefs (rules) and it then became a fight as to whose beliefs (rules and frames of reference) are more important. They tried to tell us why their beliefs were important, we did not want to believe them. So we ran away to college, with the hope that we can follow our own rules but no, we now had to follow the rules of our seniors, our colleagues and our professors. A bigger prison.
Then came placement. We believed that we knew what was required for a good placement. But for some reason, the recruiters do not seem to be following our beliefs. We do not know what are their beliefs. And so placement becomes very confusing.
Same event, two different beliefs / frames of reference, I don’t get placed, some one else does.
If I do not know the recruiter’s belief or the recruiter’s company’s beliefs, then how can I be certain of placement?
Selling. I, as a salesman, believe the TV’s features are its strong points. The customer believes that the more expensive, the better his ego is massaged. I am selling features, he just wants to know the price. No sale. Why?
I did not take time to know his beliefs / frame of reference.
Any sale, whether placement, promotion or product, requires us to know the customer’s frame of reference. Our frame of reference is immaterial in this world of sales.
28 November

Why are we here on earth and what is the purpose of our existence?

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It is my belief that we are here to better mankind. To me, ‘better mankind’ means to leave people who come in contact with us better than when they met us.

Some of us are blessed with the means and the opportunity to improve a large section of mankind but the rest of us can only hope to improve our children. Each person has his sphere of influence and must strive to increase this sphere of influence. How do we do this?

The four ashrams that Indian philosophy refers to can be used as a framework.

Brahmacharya is about focussing on self, recognising our abilities and creating the skills that would help us to create the means and the opportunities to help others.

A career is defined as that path which allows us to best utilise our skills and strengths. We feel good about doing things that are in sync with our strengths and we enjoy what we do. This feeling good creates better products and services. When people see that we enjoy what we do, they are happy to pay us for our services because of its inherent quality. Even if it is not payment in monetary terms, they pay us in terms of contacts, relationships and references. This increases our opportunity to influence a larger set of people.

When we are looking for a job and if we do not know our strengths, then any job will do. It may take time before we find our true path and till then, we need to meet as many persons as we can and listen to them, so they we can find the right messages and the right guidance in terms of what could possibly be our path. The first job just sets us in the path of self-discovery.

This is the only phase in which we take more than we give.

Grihastha is about starting to give back. We first concentrate on our family by first creating it and then using our strengths to make then stronger, better, happier. Family does not just mean spouse and children (the future of relationships) but our parents, siblings and the extended family (the past relationships). The wealth that is being created is partially used to serve our past family, partially to serve the future family and the rest to provide for our future by investments in the future so that we have the means and the opportunities in the later stages of life. This means that we should not focussed on short term gains.

This is a phase in which the give and take is equal. Some of us, however, still remain in the Brahamcharya phase, because we are unwilling to move on or do not feel confident of our skills and strengths. We create wealth, and we do not know what to do with it, so we spend it on ourselves. We have the opportunity to influence our family, make them better than us, but we focus on ourselves. We spend more time on ourselves and our pleasure than our family (watching TV etc.).

Vanaprastha is about giving back to society, not just the family. By this time, we are senior enough in our organisations to be able to influence the course of the organisation, and a larger set of people. We provide for (creating jobs) and help others find their path (career counselling and mentoring). This phase has little take and more give. The investments made during the Grihastha stage now bear fruit.

Since Vanaprastha is focussing on others rather that our family, we have to let go of our family. This means that they are free to do what they want. This also means that our children have to fend for themselves. If we have guided them well, they shall do well. They need to fall and learn how to fall, they need to find their own destiny. Some of us are unwilling to let go of our children and endeavour to choose their paths for them.

Sanyaas is about focussing on the Universal mankind. The universe of the kingdom of God and it is said that the kingdom of God is within us. Therefore Sanyaas is a time for introspection and to determine how we could have done things better. This knowledge of how things can be done better is provided to others (orally or in writing) so that they have the benefit of our experience. Sanyaas is about taking people who are in the Brahmacharya stage and providing them guidance when necessary.

This phase is all about giving. It is not necessary that people take your advice. People need to make their own minds and their destiny and their path is their own. People ask for advice and we have a tendency to guide (sometimes force) people on a certain path that we believe is right for them. We do not know enough of people and their destiny to make decisions for them. Our job is to open their eyes to choices but the choice remains theirs.

In this way, we fulfil our destiny.