What happens when I give or receive feedback? Why is it that I give feedback with good intentions, but the result is not what we intended.
An engineering graduate would say, feedback is provided, based on output, to the input of a process to modify the process. A negative feedback dampens the process, a positive one increases the throughput.
When I give feedback, I give it with a desire to change the current state of mind (or belief) of the receiver so that his future actions (output) are more amenable to me personally. If others give feedback to the same receiver, and the feedback is different, what will be the state of mind of the receiver? Therefore, can I really control the state of mind or belief of the receiver?
If I am the receiver of feedback,I need to decide between various providers of feedback. I have my own priority system, which may be based on trust and on my assessment of the provider’s intent. Since the provider does not know what is going on in my mind, the provider cannot determine the impact of the feedback.
What is negative feedback?
Is it based on what I say? Or is it based on how the receiver perceives it? If my intent was to decrease the output of the receiver’s actions (negative feedback), the receiver has to accept my feedback to act accordingly. If the receiver rejects the feedback, my intent comes to naught. Similarly, if my intent is to provide feedback to increase the current output (positive feedback), but the receiver perceives me negatively, he may do the opposite. Hence, unlike feedback in engineering, negative and positive feedback as perceived by the provider is multiplicative based on whether the receiver perceives the feedback negatively or positively.
To put it plainly, my negative feedback, if considered negatively by the receiver, may make him do the opposite thing or make him continue doing what he does (minus x minus = plus).
My negative feedback, if considered favourably by the receiver, will make him do what I want him to do (minus x plus = minus).
Similarly, my positive feedback, if considered negatively by the receiver, may make him do the opposite thing and he may discontinue doing what he was doing (plus x minus = minus).
So, before giving feedback, I need to understand the belief of the receiver in terms of how he perceives me in relation to other influencers. I may need to prepare the ground by making the person amenable to my feedback, by choosing the right time, the right environment and past events leading to this event. Only then can I give feedback..
In reality, I simply burst out with feedback (generally negative), and it has an unintended reaction. I really need to control when and how I give feedback, else it is a waste of time and creates more relationship issues.
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