Talking to some students, I realised that a person has a different set of rules for how they should be treated and for how they should treat others. For example, we expect that juniors should obey our rules, but we should not obey any rules.
A corollary to this is the expectation that if person A treats person B well, then person B should treat person A well (Law of Reciprocity). If I have helped someone, that person should help me when I need it. Funnily, this law should not hold good when treating a person badly. I am allowed to shout at a person, but the person is not allowed to should back.
This is having double double standards. This is not just among students, but also among teachers,bosses and our expectations in corporate life. We expect that if we are good to our colleagues, they should be good to us. We want a theory Y boss (nurturing boss), but we treat our subordinates as lazy good-for-nothing fellows and therefore follow theory X. If we are bad to someone, the person should understand why we are doing this (for their own good, obviously) and thank us for it.
I first thought this was hypocrisy, until my wife pointed out that hypocrisy is about saying one thing but acting in a different way. So when students or teachers advice others about the need to good time management, but come late, or if a boss professes to be Theory Y and having an open door, but actually uses the stick more than the carrot and is never available, this is hypocrisy.
Isn’t having two rules of behaviour more confusing to self and to others? You may argue that different situations call for different types actions. True enough. But is it different stimuli creating different responses but the beliefs are consistent, or are we also changing beliefs based on the situation?
If the second one is true, and if beliefs define the person, will the real person please stand up?
Chandrakant,
It is an interesting article to have an conversation on. To some extent double standards are required by a boss. If the decisions can be predicted by a subordinate, he/she can most probably become his/her substitute in future. In order to protect my survival I need to maintain the so called double standards.
Your thoughts please….
Narayana, if we want to move up the ladder, we need to find a replacement. Grooming a successor may seem a good strategy. Furthermore, it is not clear about the double standards – are you saying we should be theory X below and expect Theory Y from above. By your example, even your boss will be theory X else his job may be taken over by you. I suppose organisation culture and your own self-esteem may have a role to play.
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